Both of my regular readers will no doubt agree that it has been far too long since I shared with you the exploits of my senior son's Assocceration Football team. In fact, since my message of 21 November 2005, his endeavours have earned him a promotion from the Raptors (U10 C team) to the Rams (U11 A team), and so I now enjoy the privilege of spending every Sunday afternoon screaming and shouting from the touchline in the direction of a much higher quality expression of the Beautiful Game.
Until this week. This week, on the last game of the season, I did no shouting or screaming of any sort.
(I should point out - for those who are thinking that the season is not yet halfway thr(o)u(gh), and that there are no prizes for being top at Christmas - that over here the season starts in spring and finishes in the fall/autumn (and the kids have a break in summer as well). This is because it is very cold in winter. No, very cold. And so American footie fans are deprived of the joy of freezing in the stands and trying to warm their hands with a plastic cup of lukewarm tea, while the players are battered with hailstones until they succumb to falling on their behinds in a river of mud. Now that's what I call sport(s).)
Anyway, you are wondering, why did The Referee not get to deliver his usual quota of encouraging screams and shouts, or, indeed, any at all? Thanks for asking. Well, it's because I was the referee. That's right. For reasons too complicated and dull to explain here, the actual referee was nowhere to be seen, and so The Referee was, for the first time ever, the referee.
Now, for those of you who have never actually had the privilege of being the referee, I can report that it is a very interesting experience. So interesting, in fact, that I have decided to share with you, dear reader, the life lessons which I drew from it. May they be enlightening to you and yours.
1. Being impartial is not so far removed from being partial.
Almost from the second one blows one's whistle, one is overcome by the need to be fair and upright, despite screaming in a very partisan manner for one's team just seconds before the whistle string went around one's neck, and again after it is removed. Perhaps this has something to tell us about our ability to adapt to the roles life throws at us. Or perhaps it just tells us something about how far we will go to avoid being lynched by the opposition's parents.
2. Even if one is freezing standing still on the touchline, one can quickly become warm by running around on the pitch.
Actually, I'm not sure there is a deep life lesson in this one. But make sure you keep warm this winter.
3. Not everyone who claims he is having his shirt pulled is actually having his shirt pulled.
This is an easy one - don't assume something is so just because someone tells you it is. Go and look for yourself. In this case, having looked for myself, I saw no shirt pulling and waved play on, much to the disgruntlement of a certain section of parents, who clearly had developed the approach that little Johnny should always be believed, and had perhaps abandoned the discipline of going and looking for themselves.
4. It is better to let the game flow than to blow up every couple of minutes.
This is a bit trickier. Perhaps it tells us that we should stop trying to interfere in other people's lives and let them get on with it. They are adults, after all. Or something.
5. Some small boys are better behaved than their parents, who are loud and annoying.
Perhaps this tells us that things don't necessarily always get worse; sometimes they get better. On the other hand, perhaps it just tells us that some people are loud and annoying. We should also remember that a foul is not a foul unless the referee (who might not necessarily be The Referee, although was in this case) says it's a foul. I hope that's clear. It certainly makes me feel better.
So, I don't know about you, but the next time I go to a game, I will certainly think twice about shouting some helpful advice in the direction of the referee. And then I'll do it anyway.
Happy Thanksgiving.
