How can you spot a conservative (small "c")? He (or she, these days) is the person who can't utter the phrase "political correctness" without immediately following up with the words "gone mad", in a sort of involuntary Pavlovian response. (Which reminds me, when Pavlov invented the pavlova, what was that a response to?)
Anyway, if, like me, you like to think of yourself as a modern, progressive, lover of all things PC, try living in the US in the build-up to what used to be called Christmas, and you will soon be cured of all your ills. In other words, why oh why, if we mean "Christmas" can't we say "Christmas"? And if we mean "Hannukah", why can't we say "Hannukah"? And if we mean "Eid", ...you get the picture.
Not here. Oh no. Over here, the done thing - for good honest PC reasons, you understand - is to get half way through a sentence and then forget which festival you were talking about. Then, in order to cover up your momentary lapse (as Pink Floyd might have had it), you say "holiday", in the hope that (i) no one will have noticed your stumble, and (ii) no one will have been offended, except of course for the people who wanted to follow what you were saying.
Of course, as soon as this sort of rot has set in, it becomes the norm which is followed forever after, in decreasing circles of illogic, by shopkeepers, signwriters and the designers of greetings cards. As a result, our lovely New York home is now decorated with "holiday lights" and "holiday cards", which we put up shortly after having returned from a session singing "holiday carols".
If you think I'm exaggerating, read on. Exhibit one. One of our kids has just received a letter from his art teacher about what the class will be doing next term. It starts - I'm not making this up - "After our holiday vacation...". Work that one out.
Exhibit two. Starbucks has just introduced two seasonal coffees, one called "Christmas blend" and the other called - wait for it - "Holiday blend". They do at least have the excuse of not being able to call them both the same thing, but what's wrong with, for example, "yuletide" - a lovely little word, now rather under-used, with the distinct advantage of being clearly linked to the topic at hand.
Exhibit three. Our guest wing (okay, room) is decorated with a sweet little picture of a reindeer, skipping through the snowflakes, with holly berries in his antlers, under the words "happy holidays". I wonder which holiday the little chap has in mind? Perhaps it's Easter.
Season's greetings!
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