Reader Discretion Advised

It's very difficult to watch American TV.

No, hang on a minute. There's supposed to be a bit more to that sentence.

It's very difficult to watch American TV for long, these days, I find, without coming across the phrase "Viewer discretion advised". Very often, when the upcoming program(me) is going to be a bit racy, and just as often when it's not going to be racy in the slightest, TV stations over here are apparently obliged to announce, or display, or both, the mangled and dehydrated phrase "Viewer discretion advised". Just add water to get a sentence in English.

Now, I don't want to blind you with grammar, so to speak, but pause for a moment, if you will, and see if you can work out what that sentence actually means. I don't mean whether you get the gist of it. The gist is simple enough: "You are about to watch something with racy bits (except that you're probably not). There, you have been warned. If the racy bits upset you, please don't ask your lawyer to write a letter of complaint to our lawyer. If you do, our lawyer will write back to your lawyer pointing out that the offending program(me) was preceded by the magic words "viewer discretion advised". No, we don't know what it means either, but there it is."

In trying to get to the bottom of what these magic words actually mean - on your behalf, dear reader - I have consulted not one but two dictionaries: the Oxford English Dictionary (on the assumption - perhaps slightly hasty - that the base language we are dealing with is English) and the Webster's New World Dictionary (to ensure that I didn't miss any local subtleties or Americanisms).

The good news is that, on this occasion at least, we are indeed divided by a common language, in the sense that both dictionaries led me to the same conclusion, which is as follows. The word "discretion" is a noun which relates to the adjectives "discreet" (careful, prudent) and "discrete" (separate, autonomous). In the former sense, it is commonly used to mean judgement. The "viewer" is the object of the sentence - ie the person who may nor may not be about to watch something racy. And "advised" is the closest this phrase comes to a verb.

If you buy this, as they like to say over here, then the magic words must have one or more of the following meanings:

1. You are about to watch something a bit racy. We therefore suggest that you don't mention this program(me) to anyone else, unless it's strictly necessary.

2. You are about to watch something a bit racy. We therefore suggest that you don't sit near to any other viewers.

3. You are about to watch something a bit racy. Unless you decide not to watch it.

So there we are. I'm glad to have been able to clear that up.

The Referee, at your service.